The constant brace for disaster hasn’t made me more aware of life; it’s made me tired, it’s given me wrinkles in my forehead from having my brow constantly furrowed, in so many ways it has fundamentally altered how I live my life. And it isn’t for the better. Even in situations where everything is fine one tiny change, one small pebbled dropped in the water, can ripple into a tidal wave of anxiety that consumes me. I don’t feel like that makes my life richer. But if my anxiety is a gift...I’d rather get a gift card.